George Mikes Archive

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Canned steak and kidney pie with a little tomato ketchup on top

As soon as the French start queuing up for baked beans, I shall commit harakiri, simply by leaning slowly on my favourite carving knife. Yes: the day the French start eating canned steak and kidney pie with a little tomato ketchup on top it will mark the end of a great civilization,

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England may be a copulating country but it is not an erotic country

The fact remains that England may be a copulating country but it is not an erotic country… Girls are being taken to bed, to be sure, but they are not courted; they are being made love to but they are not pursued. Women are quite willing to go to bed but they

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The English have no soul, they have the understatement instead

The English have no soul, they have the understatement instead. George Mikes, How to be an Alien, p.24

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An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one

An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one. George Mikes

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On the Continent, people have good food

On the Continent, people have good food; in England, people have good table manners. George Mikes

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He is the type who would discuss the weather with you

Do not be misled by memories of your youth when, on the Continent, wanting to describe someone as exceptionally dull, you remarked: ‘He is the type who would discuss the weather with you.’ In England this is an ever-interesting, even thrilling topic, and you must be good at discussing the weather. George
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